I have read that blog post floating around on the internet. You know, the one about seizing the moment because you never know when the last time your child will ask for a bedtime story will be or give you good morning snuggles or say that silly phrase you have shared since they were
3 or ask you to do her hair... It just starts happening less and less and eventually, you don't do it anymore. It is heartbreaking to think that one day I won't be snuggling my oldest while watching a movie kissing my little one's toes.
I have always tried to make the most of thr time we have and never say no to an emotional need for my Husband or children. But, they are all such needy people, so sometimes I don't succeed-mostly at bedtime. Big S has no bedtime, so she just falls asleep whenever she is tired. That doesn't bother me because we do "wake up stories" instead of bedtime stories, so it all evens out. What bothers me is that I am tired when she wants to be tucked in and I rush through the endless higs and tucking and begging for one more song or a minute to sit and cuddle. I want to seize that, but where do you draw the line when your children are with you ALL the time? Do I ever get to clock out or do I have to stare at the baby the whole time she sleeps and spend my only time to be me with my Husband and just lay together appeasing my 9 year old's need to cuddle without her sister climbing on top of us trying to nurse because she is jealous? And when I do rush through it, I end up back in my bed feeling guilty and thinking, "If something happens and she dies tonight, you will regret it. You will regret being short and saying "no" or "uh-huh" and not listening while she tells you "one more thing." And each night, I promise I will do better next time, but I won't. So where is it? Where is the line?
Being a Mom is exhausting. And when you are truly being present and taking part in every minute, it is even moreso. It is oh so worth it, but my body (energy) has to catch up with my new mind
set.
Side Note: This journey has been a bit frustrating without my Husband's backing. He thinks it is cute and all and is totally willing to support my lack of phone use, but he thinks he is good where he is at. I am giving this my all, trying to spend my time wisely and I would love nothing more than for our girls to see us using every minute God has given us on Earth wisely (which does include SOME rest time). Our pastor put it this way. Women are always waiting on their Husband's to catch up. It is like when I was waiting on him to accept God. Now he is there, I want to see him grow, so I have prayed and prayed and prayed. And God said to me, "All in due time..."
My Husband came home tonight and asked me to write down all he does every minute of the day for a week, so he can see where his time is going....
If God is not at work here, what is?
3 or ask you to do her hair... It just starts happening less and less and eventually, you don't do it anymore. It is heartbreaking to think that one day I won't be snuggling my oldest while watching a movie kissing my little one's toes.
I have always tried to make the most of thr time we have and never say no to an emotional need for my Husband or children. But, they are all such needy people, so sometimes I don't succeed-mostly at bedtime. Big S has no bedtime, so she just falls asleep whenever she is tired. That doesn't bother me because we do "wake up stories" instead of bedtime stories, so it all evens out. What bothers me is that I am tired when she wants to be tucked in and I rush through the endless higs and tucking and begging for one more song or a minute to sit and cuddle. I want to seize that, but where do you draw the line when your children are with you ALL the time? Do I ever get to clock out or do I have to stare at the baby the whole time she sleeps and spend my only time to be me with my Husband and just lay together appeasing my 9 year old's need to cuddle without her sister climbing on top of us trying to nurse because she is jealous? And when I do rush through it, I end up back in my bed feeling guilty and thinking, "If something happens and she dies tonight, you will regret it. You will regret being short and saying "no" or "uh-huh" and not listening while she tells you "one more thing." And each night, I promise I will do better next time, but I won't. So where is it? Where is the line?
Being a Mom is exhausting. And when you are truly being present and taking part in every minute, it is even moreso. It is oh so worth it, but my body (energy) has to catch up with my new mind
set.
Side Note: This journey has been a bit frustrating without my Husband's backing. He thinks it is cute and all and is totally willing to support my lack of phone use, but he thinks he is good where he is at. I am giving this my all, trying to spend my time wisely and I would love nothing more than for our girls to see us using every minute God has given us on Earth wisely (which does include SOME rest time). Our pastor put it this way. Women are always waiting on their Husband's to catch up. It is like when I was waiting on him to accept God. Now he is there, I want to see him grow, so I have prayed and prayed and prayed. And God said to me, "All in due time..."
My Husband came home tonight and asked me to write down all he does every minute of the day for a week, so he can see where his time is going....
If God is not at work here, what is?
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